My Life as it Is

Life. What's it all about? My life has taken a complete turn recently. I started on my meds obviously, and they've been helping me a lot. I'm ahead in all of my classes. I went to my psychologist appointment yesterday and he told me as soon as I sat down something was different about me. What was different was the question? He told me I seemed more 'mature' and direct about things. I told him life's too short to be nice to everybody all the time, and for what? To get stepped all over on? I don't think so, I've changed within the last 6 months. I used to be a sweet kid, giving people a 2nd chance, and a 4th and a 50th chance, but people never change. They take the chances and don't do anything to change themselves.
I also told him that I've come to the realization that I'm a good person, polite, nice, happy, confident, I have a glowing energy around me all the time now and people are drawn to that. But in addition I've also become more assertive with certain things. I will say 'no' if I have to. This doesn't mean I've become a bitch. Because the true meaning of a bitch is a person who doesn't go through with what they say or just backs out of something at the last minute.
I've also realized that I'm not necessarily searching for somebody to love me, but just for somebody for me to love. If the other person falls in love, truly falls in love with me, that's a plus. Yes, I am still with my boyfriend. And I've fallen in love with him everytime I hear his voice or he wraps his arms around me. But I have to admit right now, I'm not completely in love with him...yet. I still have some walls up, but in time they will come down. Maybe he'll be the bulldozer to my brick wall. Who knows? In time we shall see, but right now I'm just lovin bein with him. And you know what, I'm prepared for heartbreak. I don't think I'll be too messed up about it though, because I've gotten through everything else alright, why should heartbreak matter. It's almost as if my heart has no feeling when it comes to heartbreak. Although, I've never had my heart broken so we shall see,...or not.
Bruno Mars Just the Way You Are- one of the best songs ever! I'm in love with Bruno Mars and my boyfriend makes me feel that way that song is. If somebody would buy me that CD I'd be freakin out!! But I went to my babe's house on Wednesday night and he kept calling me beautiful and everything, I swear at one point he was quoting the song, but he doesn't know it's my favorite song ever.
On to other news my brother got engaged. There getting married in a year. I'm hoping to bring Jake,...but it's not for a while. I'm happy for my brother and his fiance, they've been dating now for I think 3 years, it's about time they got married! I'm sure Kara will make a beautiful bride as well, let's just hope she isn't going to be a bride-zilla...because i don't wanna have to deal with that.
Yesterday April and I went to Macy's, because the day before, we went to Vickie's Secret, and apparently my boobs shrank because of the weight I lost. The lady made me try on a freakin A cup, I was like this isn't going to fit, and hey what do you know? It didn't. So now apparently I'm a 34 B, but my boobs seem to fall out of that. I don't know bras are confusing and I think I should just go to get my bras customized or something.
I also have my cousin's 21st birthday to go to tonight, and I'm pumped, just don't know what to wear. I'm going to ask her, so I don't look too dressed down or up. But it's exciting, I will be 21 in 171 days, or like 5-6 months. I'm pumped. Well that's just an update on everything, more to come soon!
Peace. <3

First Day of classes for Fall 2010: 3rd year at UA

Woah! So today was the first day back to Akron since Spring semester! To start my day off, I woke up at 6:50 AM, my first class is at 7:45AM,...I get on campus at 7:22AM, and usually there's no parking at 11:00AM, but no, people tend to get up at the crack of dawn apparently and park in the deck I need to park in, by Simmons Hall. So I have no idea where my car is in that deck. I get to the College of Arts and Sciences, and there's a bunch of us waiting for our spanish teacher, there was a lady in the hall I kept seeing, she looked lost, I thought she was a student, because there's all these older people on campus now. She kept walking back and forth. I took a seat and the way the room is set up, my seat is facing the door, and I can see into the classroom right across from me, and there's a guy in there, same situation I'm in, he looks to be about 35-40. He's staring right at me, making me uncomfortable as all hell. So I stare back, in an attempt to make him feel the same way. He stopped. Then in walks the lady who looked lost...she was the teacher, or so she thought. She had us write on a piece of paper out names, addresses, numbers, and number of years takin spanish. Then she asks who our instructor is supposed to be. I do not know who it is since I never looked, so I wait for somebody else to respond, hoping I'm in the right class. She turns out to have made a mistake, and packs her stuff up and leaves. Two minutes later, our real teacher comes in, apparently there was a room change, she has the class write down our names, majors and why, and how many years of spanish we've had, where and when. When she's writing this down, these kids in my class are laughing, and I feel old, because I don't find anything funny...at all.
So my first class was kind of hectic, especially seeing as she told us about participation and how she would call out random people in class, which makes me uneasy. I hate being called on and participating, in case I get a wrong answer and somebody sneers at me, like the people who answer questions every 5 seconds, and ask questions that the teacher just answered! Ahh but, for the most part, this semester should be fun! I'm kind of excited now.
But for all the freshmen who have their parents on campus with them, really?! It's time to let go of your kid, or your parent(s), start living your own life, and act like an adult. It's fun, and easy. Get used to it. Geeeeesus!

Love Love Love Again

One of my favorite things in the world is waking up with him laying next to me. I have his picture on my phone but you can't hold a picture and you can't feel the beat of its heart. The picture can't hold you back and it can't wake you up my grabbing your sides or carressing your back. Everyday I leave his place I miss him so much right after that it hurts. I can't wait to see him right after seeing him. I fall deeper and deeper in love with him everyday. I know that the way I feel about him is real. I felt comfortable enough to get into a swimming pool with him last night in a bathing suit, which for me is a big deal because I have issues with that. I want to say that I know he's the one, but I'm not trying to get ahead of myself on that. I am truly in love with him.

On my Post the Love site:

R.I.P. Emma Margaret Nahas. I will miss you I wish I could have talked to you one last time. At one point in time we were sisters living the almost exact life just a couple streets down from each other. You helped me with so much, you were my sister, a sister I never had. We had so many good memories, and that will be your legacy. Emms I know you're in a better place now, God took you back. But I want you to know that I still love you so much. Our friendship grew to where we wwere spending every day together and would go to football games with those weird guys, which I never ended up giving his book back to him. :/ We threw parties with Jess and decorated the house that one day for the mexican party we were throwing. You stuck that smiley face stocker on grandma's butt she had a smiley ass. I have all the pictures we took in the mall hanging up. Ew that one time you got a needle stuck in your toe I felt bad because I couldn't get it out without getting sick, so Jess did it. Camping in the woods behind Jess' house, hilarious. New Years '06 with Annie, Katie, You and Jess, I will never forget it. Jill's 21st birthday at Rocco's pizza. That one time we forgot to pay at Rocco's. Riding on the electric scooter to Oak Park and seeing Mr. Jacoby. Bike rides and kids at oak park and going to dairy queen. Typing notes in free mods.You will not be forgotten. You were such an amazing young woman, and you knew it. You were fun and out going and hilarious as all hell and just a great person. You only let a couple people into your life. Thankfully I was one of them. You have no idea how much you changed me and made me come out of my shell. I am who I am today because of you. The guilt I have for losing touch with you these past 3 years, is tearing me up inside. But I wanted you to know that I will not forget you, it's impossible to forget somebody who leaves such a big impact on your life. I love you emms <3




my PTL site if you wanna check it out: http://postthelove.com/members/meganmsandy

Secret

There is only 1 secret I've never told anybody including my best friend. I can talk about anything else, except for this one thing. There's been plenty of opportunities to bring it up, but for a while I didn't remember what had happened. Somebody recently said something that rattled my brain and I remembered. It took me by surprise and now I'm left here wondering if I should say something. But I don't know how to say it or even who to talk to about it. It's not something that I want people to know, but at the same time I want somebody to know so that I can feel less constricted with this. I have a habit I do because of what happened. Yes, this isn't making any sense, but I don't know how else to put it out there. I can't say it, I don't know the words, plus I don't know if anything ever happened afterward or not.

* R.I.P. Emma Maragaret Nahas- you will be missed but your legacy of all the beautiful memories will go on. Those memories are your legacy. My best friend

Friendships past

Time will pass, feelings will not last. Friendships will be put to the test, you will learn to not trust the rest. Friends are hard to come by, so keep the ones who try. When you do end up not talking for a few years, the guilt will hit you like a thousand fears. By the time you want to talk again its too late, she's gone forever for god's sake. Take the time to talk to your old good friends, you never know when their life or yours will end.