Well I talked to my boyfriend about the alleged eating disorder. He told me basically if I had one we would need to take a break for a month until I figured stuff out. That's when it hit me hard, I needed to snap out of it. I don't want to lose him. So I've been trying to eat, it's not going very smoothly. I just either forget to, or am too busy to eat, or even when I do eat it goes right through me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm definately losing weight, I should be bloated this week, usually I get very bloated when it's that time of the month, and you can barely tell.
But to get on with life as I know it. This past week has been pretty good. The past 3 days I spent with Jake. It was a good 3 days, because I finally opened up to him. It only took 5 months. I tend to close up with people who try to get close to me, and open up with people who really don't care that much. I don't really know why, but it's always been that way, since I can remember. I need to work on it though. I figure certain people just make appearances in your life while other stick around, so they will know you more, and they have more time to get to know you. So that in time, maybe they will learn who the Real me is. Not that I'm a fake person around new people, it's just I close up and don't really talk. People that are close to me wish I'd shut the hell up though. But anyway all is good and going well with Jake. It's very exciting. I love him so much and care about him so much. It sucks not being with him all the time, but we all need some time to breathe.
Tonight I realized that a lot of people like to vent to me. I like to try and help them out, not complaining. But sometimes I feel like the advice I give to them they try to spin it around to me during situations where it doesn't even apply.
I'm not going to let anybody or anything stand in my way right now. I am focused and loyal, and a good person. Who is in love with a man who is focused loyal and a good person. We match very well. I love thinking about him, just imagine how I feel when him and I are actually together. It's an amazing feeling I have for him. I honestly can see us lasting a long time. I hope we do, I kind of know we will though. Him and I have been dating for 5 months, and still I get nervous but a good nervous feeling kissing him and just holding his hand. I love him so much. I wish I could knock down all the walls and remember stuff that could be important for him to know. But sometimes when there is something that is traumatising or embarrassing to me I block it out and totally forget about it until somebody tells me about it and I have to actually go into my memory and get it out of those cobwebs around it and remember.
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